My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
