bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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