I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
and i looked up. we had an audience...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
