I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
