i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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