She is in my trunk
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
