But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Pooping to opera.
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