i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
