I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
