BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
