I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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