just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
