he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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