She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I party with great urgency now.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
