ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
