Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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