no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
