u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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