I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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