I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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