I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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