ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Houston, we have a squirter
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Damn victory sex feels great
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
