i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
