We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
True college students do jello shots in the library
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