and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
