i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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