I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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