Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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