Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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