I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
