I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have aggressive nipples.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
