And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
