Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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