just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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