my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
