I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
