Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
