ya dads aren't the best wingmen
grandma shit on top of the toilet
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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