I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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