I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
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