no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
did i just pee glitter
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
