Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
