If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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