More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
