dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
