I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
