CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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