So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
