The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Randomize
