Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
