omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She bit a glass in half.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize