don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
