a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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