Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
