please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
