Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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