That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
