how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
