there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Come on in and take your pants off
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