I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
