We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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